Then We Came to the Blog

Target trip

2012-01-28T19:59:00.001-08:00

Today Henry and I took a trip to Target. It was one of the first times I went with the intention to do some browsing, instead of my super market sweep approaches. I still feel super new to motherhood when it comes to outtings with Henry. I felt like telling everyone it was my first time out. By myself. And look, he's doing great.

The other reason I still feel new to this gig is because I'm terribly unaware with the stroller. I'm always veering and almost running into things, or people. So I assume I stick out like a sore thumb.
Today's outting was a great success.
I figured out a genius way to carry a basket and push the stroller.
I tried on clothes and didn't lose Henry.
And I made it out of the store without Henry flipping out.

Note: Henry didn't flip out at all and he came home and napped immediately.

Also, I got clothes that fit. I think post pregnancy clothes are really important. I didn't know I would feel this way, but I do and Hank is a big proponent to me not wanting to light my clothes on fire.

Office life

2012-01-27T16:07:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite things about working in an office is our storage room. It's the room that we keep our office supplies in. It's filled with binders, staples, pens, rubber bands and other office necessities. It's like free back to school shopping for your desk.

My desk has needed a little reorganizing since my responsibilities have changed at work so today I headed to the storage room to grab some things for my desk and to stock up on different sized post its. It reminded me of You've Got Mail, "if I knew your name and address I would send you a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils."

I was also avoiding starting my day and enjoyed the distraction of organizing. Much like how dental hygiene became very important in college when papers were due.

It was a perfect friday activity.

Sense of an Ending, book 6 of 2012

2012-01-27T11:39:00.000-08:00

The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I told hank today, "I'm reading a book, but I don't really know what it's about." I then added, "but it's good."

About half way through this book I realized I didn't know what the plot was. Shortly after that point I figured out what kind of novel this was. Here's a hint, when you're half way through a very short book and there doesn't seem to be a clear plot, the plot is not the point.

It was a good, sad, subtle, well written novel. I had to listen to the last ten minutes twice before having the faintest clue how the thing ended.

View all my reviews

Friday morning

2012-01-27T07:53:00.001-08:00

Variations on a theme.

2012-01-26T07:41:00.000-08:00

I recently finished Divergent. A new young adult series about a dystopian society with a strong female protagonist. Sound familiar?
I've also read Crossed and Hunger Games. I can't help myself. I think dystopian societies are my favorite. It's so interesting to me the variety of societies created. I'm always intrigued to see why these societies made the choices they did and how, ultimately, they fail to make things perfect.

Here are some thoughts I've taken away as an adult reading these young adult books.
1. The societal structure usually fades into the background of the inevitable love triangle. I don't know about you, but I never ran into this problem in high school. Is this common now? Or is it something young girls dream of, having to pick between two good guys? Or is it showing a girl's desire to be desired?

2. Where are the parents? I understand that absent parents are a necessary plot device, I mean how could these love triangles and boy sleep overs take place otherwise? But having just become a parent it makes me nervous. When my child becomes seventeen will he feel like his parents are no help to him? Maybe the literally absent parents in these books point to the lone wolf feeling of adolescents.

3. Young adult romance makes me uncomfortable. I don't know why, but when romance starts happening in these books I get uncomfortable, like I'm watching a rated r movie with my parents and I'm thirteen. I find myself thinking, 'keep your clothes on'. Even though none of what I'm reading is terribly inappropriate, and a lot of it is a lot tamer than what is in movies and on tv. I've seen gossip girl and 90210 and it is alarming.

4. We want to feel special, or be different. These books all have strong females as the lead and I think one thing they are trying to tell young girls is: you are special, unique and can make a difference. Also, you don't need to be a victim. Those are good reminders for all of us.

Despite the above points Divergent was really good and I highly recommend it if you're looking for something to fill your hours until the Hunger Games movie comes out. The society took me some time to fully understand, but I was impressed that the plot moved faster than other first books in a trilogy have in the past. They accomplished a lot and I'm excited to see what they do with the other books.

Outfits

2012-01-26T06:58:00.001-08:00

I'm still figuring out my back to work style. I was a little too casual in my business casual ensemble yesterday, but today I'm doing a little better.
Hopefully I will hit my stride and it will be smooth sailing, until then every morning is a challenge with no children Tim Gunn in sight.

Life

2012-01-25T10:16:00.001-08:00

Things have been busy lately. "Busy" meaning I've been staying up late reading and driving myself to work to sleep in. What one will do for an extra 30 minutes of sleep. The irony is that if I take the train I get 2 hours of extra reading time, but I love instant gratification and Hank tried to pry the kindle from my sleepy hands last night and I fought him for it.

Sunday we went to see dashboard confessional at the glass house. It was a Christmas gift from Mimi. Last year, also in January, we went to see dashboard days after finding out that we were pregnant. It was a very good show then, but very tiring. Fast forward to this year and it was a very good show, and also very tiring. Differences between last year and this year:

I had a baby at home.

Mimi has a boyfriend.

We all had to drink coffee before leaving for the show so we didn't fall asleep.

Last year we showed up early to the show to get good floor space, this year we showed up late to allow extra dinner time and time with previously mentioned baby at home.

Denise slept over (Denise and I are finally having sleepovers after years and years of friendship.)

Chris Carrabba sang Bitter Pill. Years of going to Dashboard Concerts paid off in one amazing song where I lost my voice and we all screamed at the top of our lungs.

Also, I got giggly when the concert started, like a 13 year old who has stayed up past their bedtime.

On the Henry front, h has started doing something I had no idea he would ever do. He has started sucking his two middle fingers. Not his thumbs. not his fist. But two fingers - sometimes three. This is charming for two reasons.

1. It's adorable, look at the picture.

2. I used to do the same exact thing as a child.

Saturdays are for reading

2012-01-21T13:12:00.001-08:00

This morning I decided to spend some time reading with Henry. I read him one of my favorite books, The Runaway Bunny, and it was amazing. I remember reading it when I was little and loving it, but reading it today I got a whole new appreciation for it. I forgot how amazing the story is, or maybe I never understood it before there was a child of my own on my lap. So Henry let me read it without eating the pages and then we read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom and I let him put it in his mouth.

Later on in the day while Henry was napping Hank and I read. I looked up and saw Hank contendedly on the couch and realized I was in the midst of a great moment. The house was quiet, I had a cup of coffee in my hand and we were both reading great books happy as can be.

Our house may not be clean, but we've got our priorities staight: sleeping baby = reading time.

In the still sweet morning

2012-01-20T07:15:00.001-08:00

I picked him up to eat. We sat and hugged and then he fell asleep. I stayed in the quiet warm room with my sleeping one on my shoulder, soaking in the moment.
In the still sweet morning I smelled his hair and listened to his little snores rolling off my shoulder.
I am thankful for the moments I choose to live in instead of rush through. I am thankful for this little boy that God has given hank and I to care for. I know he is not mine to keep.

Creating vs. reading

2012-01-19T17:28:00.000-08:00

I discovered that my desire to read and my desire to create may be at odds with one another.

Quiet, we're reading

2012-01-18T22:18:00.001-08:00

I've had nothing to say today because I'm rereading The Hunger Games and it's consuming all my free time. In the best possible way.

I didn't mean to use the royal "we". Hank has been reading too. He just finished a book I really loved and it's been so great to read next to him at night.

Yay literacy.

Sleep!!!

2012-01-17T07:29:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was a busy, but great day off. Sadly it interfered with most of h's nap times. So last night he was a little grumpy...which means we put him down for a nap and half hour later he woke up screaming and wouldn't stop. I decided, and Hank agreed, that letting him 'cry it out' wasn't going to be worth it at that point, so I got to hold him while he calmed down and proceeded forward with a good nap and I reread Hunger Games.

Thankfully this didn't throw off his regularly scheduled sleep time and this was how relaxed and ready for bed he was at 7:30pm

Not only did he go to sleep like the little angel baby that he is, but he slept and slept and only woke up once to eat. It was glorious sleep for all of us. SOOOOO good. And to prove it, see the below picture, which I took this morning at 6:30am.

I thought this picture was going to be proof that I don't hate Monday mornings, but I realized that today is actually Tuesday.

Beach day two

2012-01-16T13:25:00.001-08:00

Oh how I love bank holidays.

Today Hank, Henry and I went down to Dana Point to get coffee and bagels at the Coffee Importers. I went there once with Laura, my friend and former coworker from the book store, and remembered it was great and right in the harbor. I forgot, however, how far away Dana Point is from our house. It's like 35 miles. But adventure is out there and we went to find it. Also, I forgot how cold it can be by the water. Thankfully I was the only one under dressed, but I looked super cute. Henry and Hank had plenty of warmth. Henry loved watching the boats and the birds fly around, and I love bundling him up to keep him warm. There were a lot of patterns going on in Henry's ensemble...proof that I was the one that got him ready. He matches much more when Hank dresses him.

After bagels, boats, birds and cappuccinos we drove up PCH and decided to stop by the bookstore so Jane, Robyn and Lisa could finally meet h. It was really great to see them, and perfect since Mondays are the only day they are all in the store together. It was a great visit and Jane gave Henry the cutest french toy, that will give Sophie a run for her money in the cute french toy department.

While driving up PCH Hank and I dreamt of renting a VW bus and camping up the coast...then we realized neither of us can drive stick. So, we'll need another plan. It was a great day spent by the sea. Thanks Martin Luther King Jr.

Best $4. 98 purchase

2012-01-14T22:36:00.001-08:00

Henry's dino hat is my favorite. I'll let the picture his uncle Tony took speak for itself.

Up All Night

2012-01-13T21:15:00.000-08:00

Hank and I started watching Up All Night two weeks after Henry was born. We totally related. Slowly but surely Up All Night has been ripping off our lives.

Will Arnett left his job to stay at home to raise his daughter.

Hank left his job to stay at home to raise Henry.

The week Reagan and Chris had their first night away from Amy...Hank and I had our first night away from Henry.

The week Reagan stayed home from work and bugged Chris, Hank claims I had extra time off and reorganized the diaper backpack. The best part of that episode was when Chris told Reagan that he was a good lawyer, but now he's good at taking care of Amy and he needs to be allowed to be good at that. I think I teared up a little.

This week's episode was their New Year's episode and they decided to stay home and have a game night...which is exactly what we did on New Year's!

Hank and I think there's a spy in our house. Maybe it's Henry.

I think this makes Mimi, Maya Rudolf and Danny, Jason Lee?

Not every episode is stupendous, but it keeps us coming back week after week and laughing at their/our lives.

Book one of 2012

2012-01-13T07:44:00.000-08:00

Blue Nights by Joan Didion

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I've been trying to write this review for over a week now. Blue Nights was the first book finished in 2012. And I'm glad it was. I think it starts the year off right, on a high and classy note.

I didn't think I liked Blue Nights as much as I have been drawn into Didion's previous works. I was captivated by Year of Magical Thinking, and in college I read Play It As It Lays and was beyond depressed from it. I read a lot of depressing books, but this one took the cake, and for that I had an immense amount of respect for Joan Didion. I cried and cried when I read the play Year of Magical Thinking. But Blue Nights did not have the same affect on me. It's not because it is not as good, the writing is still amazing. I think it is more personal than Magical Thinking. I think it is heartbreaking how devastated she was after the losses she suffered. But listening to this book at work, while training for a new position, I do not feel like I gave it the right amount of time.

This is one of those books, for me, which soaks in after I finished it. The more I think about it, the more I talk about it, the more I realize that indeed I liked it very much and that it is powerful and quiet at the same time.

The language is unbelievable. Didion writes in the rhythmic cadence I became familiar with in her previous works. Her ability to write personally without sounding self obsessed is natural and beautiful. If Magically Thinking was about processing the loss of her husband it makes sense that there would be a second book where she could fully discuss the loss of her daughter. Ms Didion also speaks at length about aging in a way that confronts the fear we all may have about what the end of life may bring.

So I liked it immensely, I just didn't emotionally respond to it the way I have done with the previous works I've read. Which is good for me emotionally.

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Rosey Cheeks

2012-01-11T18:09:00.001-08:00

Henry is becoming quite a good sleeper. So good that he can eat mostly asleep and when we sit him up to burp he just kind of stays slumped over and asleep. I tried to catch a picture of it, but he opened his eyes. The result is still adorable.

The second picture is henry watching hank sing. He was totally intranced. He couldn't look away. How awesome is this?

Little h's cheeks have been quite rosey due to the previously mentioned beach day. (We tried to keep him in the shade as much as possible). Today Hank sent me a text to say that his cheeks we peeling. I felt awful. He then said, "maybe it's just dried drool". Come to find out it was drool and we are not terrible parents. Hooray.

Henry's four month appointment went great. He had his first fever Wednesday morning, but is recovering nicely. Also, the nurse loves his cheeks. They were a big hit.

Kindle home

2012-01-11T07:11:00.001-08:00

I know, I know, I never stop talking about this kindle. But this post is more craft related than kindle related.

I was recently getting rid of clothes, again and still, and found a scarf I made years ago. I still really liked the yarn, but never wore the scarf, so I decided to repurpose the yarn for a sleeping bag for the kindle.

Step one was pulling out all the yarn
Step two was finding a ripple pattern I could use. I ended up finding a pattern for a clutch that I was able to manipulate and it worked unbelievably well, no math required.
Step three was to ignore Henry for a few hours and crochet. I did it mostly during naps, but hank was nice and watched him so I could craft.

I didn't plan to finish it in a day but once I saw the finish line I sprinted toward the end. Which means if you turn the pouch inside out you can tell I didn't weave any of the ends in.

I plan to add buttons to secure a closure and make it even cuter, but I'm really pleased with the outcome.

Henry visit

2012-01-09T15:57:00.001-08:00

Today hank and henry came to visit me at work. Hank had lunch with chris and henry and I hung out together. We went outside and looked around and we laughed and chatted. One of my favorite things is his gummy laugh and grin. It was a great lunch break.
Tomorrow we go for his four month check up. I love guessing his weight and length of ahead of time.

First kindle book read

2012-01-08T20:32:00.000-08:00

Midwives by Chris Bohjalian

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I really liked the double bind, and I had heard midwives was great. So of course that means I was slightly disappointed with midwives. I waited until I was done with the home birth experience before reading this title, which was the right choice. Here are some thoughts:
I dislike books that end with the narrator explaining that they were writing a book. It's awkward to me and a weird way to end a book in my opinion, see also Mockingjay.
I kept waiting for a big reveal, because of the double bind
I didn't understand the point of having the daughter narrate from an adult perspective, until the end. It had an ominous tone, which was leading you astray, and it ruled out the book being a coming of age story. I guess it was a story about family and the choices we make.

I enjoyed reading it, I couldn't wait to find time to keep reading, the above are merely the reservations I had toward it.

This was the first book I've physically read in a long time, courtesy of the kindle and the public library. Eventually I will stop talking about the kindle, today is not that day.

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Storytime

2012-01-08T20:07:00.001-08:00

Tonight henry and I had some reading time together. He sat on my lap and helped turn the pages. I thought he was turning the pages, but he was really trying to eat the book. I told him after we finished the book he could eat it if he wanted and he obliged.

Saturday morning

2012-01-07T21:44:00.001-08:00

This morning hank, henry and I headed to the orange circle to grab coffee and bagels. It was great and we were able to talk and hang out while henry slept. Amazing morning.

We gave you tears for your fourth month

2012-01-07T08:42:00.001-08:00

Henry turned four months on Monday, and a lot has happened in his little life.

He can now go to sleep on his own (after crying for 5-10 minutes)

He can sleep without a swaddle

Which led to his ability to perfect rolling over!

He can roll from back to front, front to back and then happily back to sleep.

He sucks on his fingers (fingers not thumbs, it is sometimes just his index finger, sometimes all four, sometimes the middle two fingers).

He can also get his arm out of his crib, sometimes resulting in crying, sometime resulting in his continued sleep (bumpers are going up this weekend).

He is attentive and quiet. A few people have commented on how quiet he is. I like to think he is just soaking in the action.

No sign of teeth, just drool thus far.

Those are the highlights. His cheeks are still big, his hair is still uneven.

I love him to death.

Mornings

2012-01-06T17:27:00.001-08:00

I wake up most weekdays and say to myself, "ugh I hate mornings." And then I think, "isn't that what Garfield says? Or did he just hate Mondays?" And then I think, "lasagna."
This exact train of thought occurs 3-4 mornings a week. No joke.

What's in my bag?

2012-01-05T16:17:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I like to list things. It's fun to see everything lined up in a row.
Here's a list of things in the bag I carry to work everyday. On the weekends I usually just take my phone since I'm with Hank and he has a wallet and house keys. I also have a separate lunch bag, lest you be concerned there's no lunch for me at work.

Keys
Glasses
Kleenex
Chapstick
Scarf, made by mimi
Arm warmers, made from knee high socks
Lunch bag, made by Bethany, holding Henry's future meals
Kindle touch
Wallet
Coffee mug and thermos (of course)
Phone, which I almost forgot to include since I'm typing on it and it's not in the bag.

There you have it, I live a simple life. I used to always carry a journal and book, but the phone and kindle have helped to lighten my load (seriously mimi, i love the kindle.)

What's in your bag that you can't live without?

Reconfigured

2012-01-04T11:29:00.001-08:00

Hank and I have only moved once in our marriage. To make up for that fact we reorganize our living space fairly often.
I was extremely pleased with the way Henry's room turned out initially, but it needed some tweaking. (five points if you started quoting you've got mail). Hank and I put together h's room with no idea of what a nursery or kids room needed. We still don't, but one thing we realized was that we needed more storage. So we went to ikea and came home and put what we bought in every possible space in the room. It almost ended up in the spot Hank had originally put it which would have been disheartening... We moved a lot of stuff, and by 'we' I mean Hank.
I'm really happy with the end result, there's plenty of room on the floor for Henry to roll around and easy storage for blankets and toys.
We took a high bookshelf out of h's room, see we can be practical, but now we need to find a good space in our room. Which, if you've seen our room, has plenty of bookshelves.
It's all a fun work in progress.

Before

After

Beach day

2012-01-03T07:40:00.001-08:00

After a relaxing weekend that felt like it stretched on forever Hank and I decided to go to the beach with the remaining day off. We packed the diaper bag and grabbed some blankets and were off. Henry napped on the drive down but stayed awake while we were there. Hank and I like to assume that he enjoyed the sounds of the real ocean, since he seems to like the ocean noises his noise machine makes.

Sometimes it's hard to get us out of the house, we think we'll be happier being lazy, but that's not always true. Yesterday was a great day out. I like that Henry seems more alert and aware that there's a world going on around him. We went to browse around ikea after the beach and his eyes darted around to all the different things. It's great.

It is my goal to not think in terms of 'I can't wait', I can't wait until Henry does this, or can do _____. I want to be content in every stage that he is in. And while I look forward to the day that Henry doesn't need to hide behind his backpack to avoid the sun and can enjoy the beach in a new way, this was still his first trip to the beach and it was perfect. I couldn't ask for anything more.

New Year

2012-01-01T15:46:00.001-08:00

Last year I set some goals that I figured I would totally be able to keep.

Kristiana's completely reasonable resolutions for 2011:

1. Eat more french fries

2. Eat more pizza - A goal will be to not settle on bad pizza

3. Read more books - goal - read more than 74 books

4. Neither lose nor gain weight

5. Wear lipstick more often

I am pleased to announce that I accomplished four of the five goals, if we tweak number four to mean gain 25 pounds to house a baby human for nine months and then lose that weight shortly after delivering him then...success. As noted by my previous post, I failed at reading more than 74 books. Also, eating good pizza more than bad pizza totally happened. Our favorite pizzas of the year are Tony's Little Italy, crazy good chicago style pizza, Cortinna's New York style cheese pizza and Angelo & Vince's tomato and cheese.

When 2011 started I had no idea what the year would look like. Hank and I had been hoping for a child, planning a trip to New Orleans for my dad's 60th birthday, and planning on being in our jobs for another year.

Looking back I am pleased and amazed at what we accomplished.

We're parents.

We're working hard to care for our little family.

We've decided that one of us being home with Henry is super important.

We've placed a priority on community and nurturing the amazing relationships in our lives.

We celebrated Hank's 30th birthday and our seventh wedding anniversary.

My family is three generations again, Hank's is four.

In 2011 we spent a lot of time talking and planning and thinking about the future. Our lives will never be the same. I imagine 2012 will be a lot about prioritizing. We are deciding what is important and how to keep those things important. We're deciding what ministry looks like now that Hank is not in paid ministry. Financially we are figuring out what is important and what is not.

We have some goals, they're written on a hotel notepad from a trip Hank and I took in November. I'm excited to see what happens. The future is beautiful and bright. It will be hard at times. It will be filled with coffee and less sleep than we've ever had. There will be tears. There will be laughs. There will be joy. Always joy.

Fourth Quarter book report & year end rap up

2012-01-01T14:11:00.000-08:00

I feel like there should be a football joke to be made, but I have nothing. Oh wait...I failed to move the chains this year in reading.

Reading has been kind of light. I've downloaded quite a few books but I haven't finished many. So I've only finished two books this quarter. (I wrote this last week, and in that week I read three more books, and one of the books I thought I read this quarter I actually read last quarter, bringing the real fourth quarter total to four. A 200% increase from earlier this week. Or is it 100%?)

I read:

Bossypants - oh my goodness read this book!! Tina Fey made me laugh so much at work I thought I might pee my pants.

Crossed, the second book in Ally Condie's dystopian young adult fiction series. It was good and I'm excited to see how the series concludes. The end seemed a little rushed. Like she could have said more but is saving it for the next book. It wasn't the typical ending in the second book of a trilogy, e.g. Golden Compass and Hunger Games had me running to the third book because it was such a cliff hanger.

I Feel Bad About My Neck, Nora Ephron's wildly famous book on aging. I didn't really like it, meaning it paled in comparison to Bossypants. I didn't relate to thoughts on aging, while I definitely related to thoughts on becoming a mom in this decade.

I Remember Nothing, Nora Ephron's new collection of essays on aging and other things. I know what you're thinking, 'why read this one if you didn't like the first one?' It was December 30th and both books were only 3 hours long so I used this book to pad my numbers. There, I said it. Quantity counts.

Total books for the year...47 (now 50!). Two books short of a book a week average. Average apparently means read a bunch in the beginning of the year and then nothing the second half. Last year I read 73 and the year before that was 94. At the rate I am decreasing in two years I will be illiterate.

My favorite books of the year came from some favorite authors, Lisa Lutz and Margaret Atwood. Michael Chabon also rose to the top. I have more books to read by him and I'm confident I will like them a lot.

I've started many books this year, books I assume will soon be favorites. That or I will never finish reading them.

Mimi bought me a kindle for Christmas, I know right? Crazy awesome. I'm hoping that will help me read on my commute. I take a lot to work each day so a lightweight reading device is beyond ideal.

Hope your reading was great this year. What were your favorites?

Transition

2011-12-30T07:42:00.000-08:00

There's a part of labor called transition. Everyone I've heard describing it says it's the hardest part of labor. That you'll want to quit, that you'll think you can't make it through etc. I found this to be pretty true to my labor. The funny thing is, now when I use the word transition in everyday language I now think of the crazy transition stage of birth. The part where I found myself on the floor asking god why. This term has so much more meaning to me now. It's not just shifting from one thing to another, it can be a monster of a task, you don't know how long it is going to last and you don't know what it's going to take to get through it.

I believe that my life with Hank is in transition. We went from being a married couple of seven years with successful jobs, to parents with a single income. Hank went from working as a youth pastor to being a stay at home dad. I went from being home with my baby for three months to being away from home ten hours a day. My job is changing as well. I went from being excelling in my position to training in a new position, and all that comes from learning something new. It's a lot of change.

The other thing about transition is you don't necessarily know you're in it when you're in it. You don't know that this is the hardest part, you assume it's going to keep getting worse. You don't know the end is around the corner, that the worst is over. You have no perspective and nothing to compare it to. The transition I find myself in isn't as painful as labor was, but I don't know how long it will take to finish. I don't know when we will stabilize as a family, a stay at home dad and a working mom and a chubby baby with giant cheeks.

I want to rejoice in the lord always regardless of how hard things may be. I want to lay a strong foundation for our family so we can succeed in our future and our everyday. I want to care for and love the family I have been blessed with. Transition is hard, but once you're in it the only way out is through.

Sleep

2011-12-28T16:33:00.001-08:00

The comment I got most often while pregnant was, "get your rest now, because you'll never sleep again," or things along those lines. I thought, whatevs. I'm cocky and it's not like we can stockpile sleep. It's not a high interest yielding account.
Once we had henry I realized people were speaking truth. It wasn't because they hated their kids and that's what made them tired, it's just that sleep is never the same. And most of the time you wake up to an upset baby. Henry is by no means a terror, he's actually a pretty great sleeper. Slowly but surely though hank and I are running on less and less sleep. We sleep as much as we can, but there is a lack of sleep that gets added to us every night. Like a weight gradually being added to you so you don't notice it right away.

Henry has started teething and has turned into a little cry factory. I think teething is a good stage for us to learn a valuable life lesson. So far what I've taken away from the experience is, my kid is going to feel all sorts of pain I cannot keep from him. He has to endure it and I can help the best I can, but I cannot make it go away and I cannot do it for him. It's a great lesson, but it hurts, as I'm sure it will the rest of our lives.

You know what else hurts? Having a crying baby that goes from happy smiling baby to cranky screaming baby with no warning. He also goes from contended sleeping baby to crying awake baby rather quickly. This has done a number on our sleep. Hank and I have taken turns holding h while he sleeps which means we both keep depleting our sleep reserve. Last night I was trying to help hank as much as possible. I was doing okay caring for henry. We all slept from 9-11:30, when henry woke up to cry and eat. I gave him to hank to change him and I rolled over to help hold the pacifier in his mouth when I fell asleep on the pillow.

That is how tired we are. One minute we're awake the next minute we're passed out on our bed because we can't keep our eyes open. All in all we don't have it too bad. I mostly share this story because it makes me laugh. Maybe it's missing something in the delivery. Let's blame that on lack of sleep.

Henry's first three to four Christmases

2011-12-26T09:41:00.001-08:00

Henry's first three to four Christmases Last year Henry's life was just beginning without our knowledge, this year Henry is outside the womb to celebrate. And celebrate we did.

The first of Henry's first Christmas was spent with my family in colton. There was a pack and play with a big car ribbon on it waiting for him. We got to leave little h with grandma and papa and go to the movies. We also got to sleep in because grandma and papa let henry sleep in their room. Henry had his first bath in a bathtub, we just use our sink, and it was great. He was so relaxed floating in the water he looked like he was in the womb. Hank spent time reading the Raw Shark Texts, which is one of my favorite books, and hank reading is like the best present to me. It was a good two days.

Henry's second first Christmas was spent at church sunday morning and with Hank's family. It's so great to see everyone interact with h. Kevin has been afraid to hold Henry so we made him yesterday. Henry got fussy and Kevin tried to give him to Tony, but we made him power through. And they both did great.

Third Christmas was spent at home sunday night. We let henry sleep off all the human interaction he got over the weekend. He has been a real trooper, but it was definitely taking a toll on him. Irregular naps, lots of people and being away from the house for so long made him a little cranky pants, he takes after me in that way. So for Christmas we gave him sleep.

Fourth first Christmas is in two hours. When henry and danny will enjoy their first Janss house roommate past and present and danny christmas, we had to change the title since danny doesn't live here, and neither does lica. There will be breakfast and stockings and coffee.

Eight Christmas mornings ago hank asked me to marry him. Each year has looked different and this year is by far the differentiest. Our lives are overflowing with love, joy, peace and hope and I pray that never changes.

2011 performance review

2011-12-22T05:30:00.001-08:00

It's review time at work. I have to complete my self review this week before my manager completes his review of my competencies. I've been back at work for almost four weeks and I am adjusting well, but I'm having a hard time remembering what I did the first 3/4 of the year. I just remember being pregnant... Which sadly I am not being evaluated on. So I'm going through the process of assigning numbers to my performance. It's a scale of one to five, five far exceeding expectations. If I put above a three I am expected to add comments. I started typing out some preliminary comments and totally drew a blank. Yes, I'm dependable and hard working but can I think of one example of this? If I can think of a good example it is from the past four weeks. I'm treating this month as a diorama, a microcosm of how great the year was because I can't remember it.
Also, my ability to write eloquent sentences is greatly lacking. I basically typed, 'I am a good worker', on my evaluation.. My comments currently make me sound like I'm running for asb or applying for my current job or I'm an idiot that can't write comments.

As painful as it is starting, I love it. I like being forced to look at my performance and evaluate it and back up how highly I think of myself with facts. I also love affirmation and review time assigns money to self value. What's not to like?

If you want to play along below are some areas you might want to think about: Dependability
Flexibility
Character
Adaptability
Communication
Technology

If you go down this path, let me know what you come up with!

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Deliver Babies...Thursday

2011-12-10T10:57:00.000-08:00

I had a whole birth story started, but I got bored reading it so I'm going to give you the highlights of Thursday, Thursday the 1st of September, also known as...the day we did not have a baby.

I had contractions all night. Hank didn't sleep. I slept between contractions waking up to my whole body tensing up. (In Bradley classes they tell you you are supposed to relax your body during contractions. Easier said then done Bradley people.) I would breathe and try to relax my body. I would stretch out my legs and flex my feet in hopes the contracting would leave my body out my toes. Hank wanted to time contractions and I said 'no, we're supposed to be ignoring labor.' At 9am we had made it through the night! We called the midwifes to let them know we were in labor. We told Mimi we were in labor before she went to work. Our doula Becky came over. We found out she liked Friday Night Lights (I KNOW, what were the chances) so we watched an episode or two.

I ate and showered and hung out on the yoga ball. I also drank a lot of water. I breathed low deep breathes. I tried to keep my body relaxed. This went on all day. We timed contractions. They got closer together, they got farther apart. They got more intense, they got less intense. At 5pm when the midwifery closed we decided to have Lisa come check my progress. When she got to our house she checked me and I was 4-5cm dilated. We decided to try to get some sleep for the, still, long road ahead of us. Instead of taking something to help me sleep, that would knock me out and make Baby R drowsy, I decided to take a Benedryl and have a glass of wine. It was a good choice. At 7 or 8pm Hank and I were getting ready for bed. The goal was to sleep as much as possible and wake up in the throws of hard labor. We told Mimi and Sarah the plan, telling them they could come home and to pray that we got to sleep. I was able to sleep, Hank wasn't. It was much like the beginning of the day, but more intense.

Beach day

2011-12-07T07:42:00.001-08:00

The week before Henry was born I had one of the best summer days imaginable.

I had been wanting to go to the beach and I wanted to go swimming. Even when I worked in Laguna I rarely, if ever, went swimming. But I knew I wanted to go in the water at the beach, if only for five minutes. My brother was in town for the summer and Hank and I had the idea to invite him to join us.

Hank and I love peets coffee and we do not live near one, so before getting to Newport we stopped by the Costa Mesa peets to get iced lattes. Then we met Justin for breakfast at the stuft surfer. Which, if you've never been to, do yourself a favor and go. Breakfast and lunch are both amazing. After breakfast we walked down to the water. We sat in the sun for a bit before I decided to brave the water. Although the water was cold, it was perfect for me in my ninth month of pregnancy. I stood there and soaked up the sun and the coolness of the water for an amazing amount of time. Hank, being a concerned husband and future dad, stood next to me for most of time and gave me his shirt and his hat to protect me from the sun. Then we went back up to our towels and he dug me a belly hole in the sand so I could lie on my stomach. It was the first time I'd been on my stomach in months and months and it was glorious. We finished our time by walking down to the pier and getting Balboa bars, which if you've never had...do yourself a favor. Go right now.

It really was a perfect day. We drove home with that sticky sweet mist from the sand and the water and the sun on your skin.

Remember remember the 8th of December

2011-12-05T13:01:00.001-08:00

I have had five jobs since I graduated high school. The first two I kept for close to a year. The second two I kept for almost three years, each, but I never hit the three year mark. On December 8th I will have worked at my current job for three years. It's a big deal to me. I love anniversaries. I love looking back at where I've been and looking ahead and making goals. Goal making is something hank and I do a lot. We like to talk about the future and imagine our place in it, or decide now on what we will make important later.

I'm usually very content when I start a new job, the joy of leaving the old job makes a nice honeymoon period, but I've never looked at a job and thought yes, this is what I was made for, there's nothing else I would rather be doing. I've had dreams of fame and fortune and doctorates and novels, like I assume everyone else has. Life is different now. When Hank and I decided that he would stay home to take care of henry things changed dramatically in my relationship with my job. My job isn't something I do because I'm supposed to work, my job is what is funding my life and my family. I'm way more appreciative of my benefits and my income because it is allowing us to do something new. I'm stoked that the company I work for takes good enough care of me that I can take care of my family. So I've bought in. I'm committed to my job in a new way. It's not about the future and what could be, life and work is about the life I have now, each day. Each day I get to come home and see my husband and my child, my favorites and my bests. I'm not longing for something different I'm enjoying the right now, and I've never been here before.

A year ago when we were hoping for a child I never would have guessed that our lives would look the way they do now. I never thought it was an option for Hank to stay home and me to continue working. I prayed for the last year that god would shape what our family looked like, I was so thankful that I didn't have preconceived notions of what shape our family would take, and here we are.

I know my coworkers won't care that it's my third year, but I will. On the 8th I get to celebrate a workiversary the likes of which I've never seen. And I'm excited about my future at my job, but I'm more excited about going home at the end of the day to a family, where I make up the third part.

Best hug in the world

2011-12-04T19:21:00.000-08:00

Last night (Thursday, I wrote this Friday) the Ahlbergs were over for dinner. Before dinner violet tried to pick up henry and carry him around, she said, 'hold him? ' and then hugged him and tried to pick him up out of my arms. She is super strong!

After violet was done eating she bounced over to the couches to find h and was confused when he wasn't where she'd left him. We explained he was over at the table (our table is very big and henry and violet were sitting on the same side). She came bounding over and made an amazing and excited gasp when she saw him again. She then tried to hold him again, so I pulled her up on my lap -miraculously - and they both hung out together. She touched his nose and said, 'nose' and then I ended up in the middle of the best hug in the world.

It was so great and henry seemed to enjoy the attention from violet. Also... Henry got a robot hat. Dreams come true people. It was such a good dinner!

Before dinner Hank and I had a 'teachable moment' with Henry...it was about dance parties and how to have them. We danced around the living room with little h and when we would stop he would start to chuckle, like the excitement was too much to process in the moment, but when we paused he could soak in the fun and express his joy. It was the first, of what will hopefully be many, dance parties in our living room.

Out of the cold

2011-12-04T09:38:00.001-08:00

We can't run a heater in our bedroom and Henry's room without blowing a fuse. The first solution was to have him sleep in our room in the bassinet so we could all be warm. This worked for a week but hank and I sleep better when we can't hear every grunt Henry makes. So we put him in his room with the heater and Hank and I added many more blankets to our bed. Our room is freezing, but the upside of this is there's a huge incentive to getting up to care for henry... Warmth.

This morning I got to spend some time before church praying and watching Henry sleep and eventually wake up in the awesome warmth of Henry's room. I love the way he looks in his crib.

Who needs babies r us?

2011-11-30T10:11:00.001-08:00

H and I decided to get henry a mobile about a month ago when we realized he really liked staring at things. Before that he seemed content with the ceiling. We had gift cards to babies r us so we thought we might get a mobile from there.

After a quick perusal of the mobiles I was underwhelmed at their design and shocked at the price. The mobiles were basically stuffed animals on strings that probably played a song and they all cost $50. Also, my choices were princess, sail boat or safari.

I came home and emailed Bethany for cute original mobile ideas and she sent me a link to 25 amazing mobile tutorials. I got to work during Henry's nap time and i couldn't be more pleased with the result. Hank hung it last week and henry is quite taken with his mobile. He cooes and kicks when he stares at it.

New attitude

2011-11-29T16:26:00.001-08:00

There's an episode of arrested development where gob is wearing an expensive suit. The whole episode he says, 'sure, let the guy in the $5,000 suit get that.' As the episode progresses the cost of the suit increases as well.
As my pregnancy continued to progress I began to feel like gob. I would say to myself, 'sure, let the eight months pregnant woman hold the door for you.' 'sure, cut off the nine months pregnant woman in the cross walk.'
I felt entitled. Entitled for the last seat on the shuttle. Entitled to take it easy at work.
Now that I'm back at work, and back to taking public transportation I have no right to entitlement. I'm just a girl on the train. A girl on the train that should be looking out for the best interest of others and not just myself.
No one knows that I'm a new mom that is away from her baby for the first time in months. That's not obvious to anyone but me, so it does not cause people to treat me differently. And i can't tell by looking at my fellow riders what may be bothering them or causing them to be tired, but i should assume that if I'm beat at the end of the day, they probably are too, so i should be kind.

Technology

2011-11-28T13:01:00.000-08:00

I think the funniest part of our trip to Lake Arrowhead was the amount of devices we had connected to the Wifi at one time. Here's a list:

(There were six adults and one baby)

two android phones

two iPhones

two iPads

one wii

two macbook pros

one macbook

one dell

needless to say everyone's Black Firday purchases were done only online, most of them at midnight.

Back in Black

2011-11-26T15:51:00.001-08:00

My first week of work was a success. I made it to work each day and never cried from missing the henrys. Our family of three had colds though which makes me believe that if we can make it through last week we'll be able to get through every subsequent week. Plus next week I'll have coffee because I'm not sick anymore and coffee makes everyday a little bit better. I worked three days, got off work early on Wednesday for the holiday and I've been enjoying the four day weekend.

Henry's first Thanksgiving was great. Sometimes the activities associated with holidays distracts me from whatever the holiday is celebrating, but this Thanksgiving was great and not like that at all. I think going back to work made me all the more thankful for time with family and friends. My parents have a time share in Lake Arrowhead and we've been up here since Thursday. Mimi and Danny came up Thursday night. I was able to video chat with Tara and she was able to 'meet' Henry through the wonders of modern technology - I don't know why it took three months to realize we could do it. We even got to spend time with Chris and the twins in Arrowhead today. My parents and Mimi and Danny went down the hill today so Henry, Hank and I get some alone time in the mountains. We walked around the village and even though henry was asleep for 95% of our time outside I think he likes the mountains. While I'm excited for Henry to get older, to feed the ducks and to learn how awesome trees are, I cherish getting to carry him in his sling and have his heart near my heart as much as possible.

One of the cool things about returning to work was a resurgence in my love of Hank. Yes, I miss Henry while I'm at work, but I miss Hank more. Henry can't text me or email me or pray for my day, but Hank does. I love hearing how their day is going and I love coming home to them at the end of the day.

Next week will be a normal five day week with a two day weekend. I'm praying for perseverance and joy during my workday and for the time I get with the boys to fill me up for the time away from them.

Tradition

2011-11-24T08:49:00.001-08:00

It seems I make a new scarf or cowl every year when the weather changes. I don't buy myself fancy yarn, but sometimes after a gift is finished there is enough fancy yarn left over for myself. This year I finished a gift that I started and failed to finish last year, it was part of my craft list I raced to finish before henry arrived.

So days before I returned to work I whipped up a new accessory for my big first day. I used a pattern, but then added a second color to make it bigger and i weaved in some yarn to make a border and a way to synch the top to make it warmer. I also made a bow, but later decided tim Gunn would want me to edit this down a little.

Crafting

2011-11-19T13:45:00.001-08:00

I just finished embroidering something I'm super proud of. It's very sweet looking and unlike anything I've done before.

Leaving maternity leave

2011-11-19T10:38:00.001-08:00

I'm in the last two days of maternity leave. Technically I'm using baby bonding time, but that's a long discussion about leave and how confusing it is. Long story short, the state of California has allowed me ample time to prepare for the birth of my son, recover from said birth and bond with said birthed baby.
Monday is a work day. Crazy.

This last week was great:
I got a new haircut as a gift from bree. It was so nice to go be pampered and to get a haircut that is easy to style but looks amazing (which I think is the mantra of new moms, easy but amazing).

I went on an la outting without either henry. It was a little traumatic planning to leave them, but ended up being so fun. Denise and i went to a screening of tegan and sara's new dvd. We made beyond amazing time to and from la, parked for free and didn't get towed, ate spontaneously at a great burger place and cut to the front of the line (not entirely on purpose or accident). And this was Denise's first time away from her job, which meant she felt guilty for leaving too.
Wednesday my parents came to visit and my dad and I went to get manicures and pedicures. It was totally his idea. How cute is he? Not only did he treat, but he opened the car door for me every time we got in the car and bought me dinner too. I don't know the last time we did that. We used to go shopping together all the time, so it was amazing to have time to just be.

Thursday is the reason my parents were in town. They had given us a night stay in Carlsbad for our anniversary and we were finally able and ready to go away. So we went on our first night away from little h. It was so good to be just the two of us for 24 hours. To look at the year ahead of us and make goals for the future. And it was also awesome to come home to our little man at the end of the trip.

This weekend we will stay in and lay low. Henry has a little cold so we want to keep him healthy.

Monday's a big day for all of us. I'm excited to start my new role as a working mom. Hank's excited to start his new role as a stay at home dad. I'm sure if henry knew what was on the horizon he'd be stoked too.

3rd quarter book report

2011-11-15T11:52:00.000-08:00

My third quarter hopes for reading were a little optimistic. Who knew that when you are in the third trimester of your pregnancy and working full time and preparing for a baby you stop desiring to read. It required too much of my attention, so I stopped doing it.

There's a saying in football (stay with me here), 'No one wins the game in the third quarter.' So my complete failure in reading doesn't mean I've lost anything. In reality though, I haven't read anything in the fourth quarter either, so my book total for the year might be a little embarrassing when compared to years past.

Books read this quarter: 5. 2 physical.

Reading pales in comparison to staring at Henry, and writing about the books I barely remember reading in July...also boring. Here's the link to my goodreads page.

I'm back to work next week, so maybe there's hope of finishing one of the books I've started. (There's the silver lining, I did start books, I just didn't finish them.)

One more week

2011-11-14T22:07:00.001-08:00

This is my last week of maternity leave. This time next week I will have finished my first day of work in fifteen weeks. As I write this I am holding my son waiting for him to fall asleep so I can put him into his crib.
He actually just fell asleep and I realized that I'm not in too big of a hurry to put him down, so I will finish this with him in my arms.
I've been aware that this day was on the horizon, the end of my amazing baby bonding time. I've been thankful for everyday. I've been thankful that the weeks did not zoom by. Thankful that I spent the time not worried about house work but actually bonding with my baby.
This week will be no different. I will hold henry as much as possible, and smell his hair a bit too much, and stare at him while he sleeps and love every facial expression he makes and be convinced he really is the cutest baby on the planet.
And next week will be different than the last 15 weeks. It will be different than the last 11 months. Because I will go through my work day so excited to come home to my Henrys. And when I get home I will enjoy the time I have with them more.
This week may be the last week of my leave, but next week is the beginning of our new adventures.

Curating Awesome

2011-11-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

I have amazing talented friends. They are creative and crafty and artistic and make it look easy and natural.

On November 12th all of that crafty creative artisticness will be in one place and it will be on sale.

Two of my amazing talented friends came up with this idea and started contacting their amazing talented friends and now there is a popup shop I hope you'll be excited to come and see and shop in.

On top of the awesome items that will be on sale there will be live music and 10% of all sales are going to be donated to My Safe Harbor, an extraordinary non-profit that aims to empower single mothers and strengthen families in Anaheim, breaking cycles of abuse and poverty one woman at a time.

I hope you can make it.

Back to school time

2011-11-04T15:28:00.001-07:00

I'm going back to work in two weeks. There's been a mixture of spring cleaning and back to school time going on.

I've been going through my clothes and rearranging closet space. The things I wore while pregnant do not look the same and the clothes I used to wear to work will not work now. There's been a lot of trying on clothes and folding of clothes.
I think my favorite find has been my shoes. All my shoes fit again, and they're cute. I forgot I could wear heels and tights. I forgot about my tights.

While I'm not excited about going back to work I am excited about my shoes and reworking my old wardrobe into a new awesome wardrobe, oh and scarves and jackets and my new riding boots.

I love back to school time and weather. And my closets are organized for the time in awhile. We'll see how long that lasts.

Henry's first movie

2011-11-04T14:40:00.001-07:00

A few Friday nights ago Hank and I took Henry to his first movie. We were trying to figure out a way to see the new footloose movie without needing a babysitter. Yes, seeing the new footloose movie was a high priority to Hank and I. I've heard of people taking their newborns to movies before and how they sleep soundly through the whole thing, the problem is...Henry is a very noisy sleeper. But Hank came up with the perfect plan. The drive in. We could take Henry and feed him and change him and let him cry if we had to and no one would be the wiser because we would be in the safety of our car.

It ended up being a great night, even though we almost chickened out of going. We packed all the snacks in our house, traffic wasn't terrible and the movie was well worth the price of admission.

Let me just say how much I loved the movie. It was an amazing remake. It mixed a perfect blend of paying homage to the original and making it new enough for the year 2011.

The highlights for me were the use of some original music and dance numbers, an impressive angry dance, an acoustic version of holding out for a hero and a red velvet jacket at the end.

It was a great family movie night. The first of many I hope.

Adventure is out there

2011-11-03T09:42:00.001-07:00

I'm not an adventurous person. I'm not spontaneous either. I plan. I rethink decisions. I worry. I fear failure on any level. I like to be in control so i know what to expect.
Having Henry has already been chipping away at many of the above. I cannot control when he cries or needs to be changed or when he's just grumpy or how long he stays asleep.
For the first month I was afraid to leave the house because he might get hungry and i didn't want to have to feed him in target or a restaurant.
Hank and I realize though that failures and disappointments will happen. It is inevitable. So we're attempting to be adventurous.
From going to the drive in with henry, so we could go see footloose, to going to a concert last minute when I was 36 weeks pregnant, or even going over to friend's houses more often even though we're tired.
When we are uncertain about an activity or outting one of us says, adventure is out there, and that settles it. It's not a formula it just reminds us that to stay home is fine and safe, but a better story might be outside waiting for us.

Clear eyes, full hearts...deliver babies

2011-10-21T16:45:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write out my labor story/henry's birth story for awhile. I finally started today and realized I should probably break it up into several posts because I'm wordy and labor was long. So here is part one of many.

Wednesday, august 31, I started having contractions. I hadn't had but one braxton hicks contraction, so I thought there was a chance i was beginning labor. Hank and I had gone to pick up a birth tub from the midwifery early in the day.With all the nesting Hank and I did when we were both off work I had a feeling baby r wouldn't arrive until we both felt calm and prepared. Picking up the tub was the last major thing on our pre-birth to do list. (There wasn't an actual pre-birth to do list, there were many shopping lists and a few pieces of paper with things to do, but no word document marked pre-birth to do list.)

We went and grabbed lunch at the gypsy den and we ran into our friend Chandra. I remember when I ordered I wondered what I wanted my potential last real meal to be, so I got a salad with goat cheese and candied walnuts. It was both sensible and self indulgent.

That night we got to hang out with Bethany, Eric, Mimi, Danny and Sarah. Something that rarely happens. We laughed and talked and I realized that my contractions were still happening and more regularly. Mimi saw a look between Hank and I confirming this point. I had waited to tell Hank earlier about the contractions because I didn't want to concern him. I also didn't know what labor felt like and I didn't want to be wrong. I also knew we would get too excited to ignore labor, which is what ended up happening.

We went to bed around 10 I think, which really meant we went and watch Friday night lights in bed because we were too excited to sleep and were really close to finishing the series. When we finally tried to rest, around midnight, we thought we were going to have a baby that day. Apparently Henry and i needed more time than we thought.

A million miles in a thousand years

2011-09-27T13:55:00.001-07:00

I've read and posted about this book before. It is a book by donald miller about his journey from complacency to living a good story with his life. I rarely reread books, but when I do it is because i know what mood i am in and what the book will remind me of.

I started rereading this before I started maternity leave. I wanted to be reminded that I want to live a meaningful story with my life, but also that I want my child and my family to live a meaningful life. I knew I wanted this without knowing the gender of my baby, and not knowing what being a family of three would look or feel like. I didn't finish the book before Henry was born, so I've been reading it aloud to him when he is awake or asleep near me. I know he cannot process the ideas in his little brain yet, but i know it is good for him to hear my voice and it is good for me to realize my hope for him and me and our family.

I cried all over again while reading the stories of people that are doing amazing things with their life, of miller biking across america and families building orphanages in Mexico. I want to live courageously, I want Henry to live courageously. I don't want my family to fear failure or ridicule. I want us to live a life that glorifies our lord and speaks of his love. I want Henry to always know that he is valuable and loved, unconditionally.

It makes me want to do the absolute most with my son before I go back to work in two months. I want us to spend lots of time together cuddling and being near each other. Lots of time talking to him and looking at him. I want us to have adventures that I can tell him about when he is older about the times we had to be together. I want to always be present with him.

Needless to say it was great to reread this book, it was encouraging and thought provoking all over again, and in new ways because I am not the same person I was when i read this the first time. My life is forever different now that Henry is here. I can't wait to see what our lives will become, and I cannot wait to experience it all as it happens.

Tomorrow

2011-09-19T20:33:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is day one of being home alone with henry, hank goes back to work. I'm very excited and nervous.
My plans are: feed him, change him, sleep when he sleeps and remember to eat.
Wish us luck.

The 185 song playlist

2011-09-17T09:28:00.001-07:00

To prepare for delivery I was encouraged, by hank and our doula, to create a playlist of songs that would help me relax.
I was also warned not to make it too short because if you start hearing those songs on repeat you might stop being relaxed by them and start hating life.
I avoided this task for some reason, maybe it felt like homework and a bit cliche, and made me think of the office when pam has her baby... but I think eventually sat down, over the course of two nights, and created a 185 song list. (Which would run over 12 hours.)
I attempted to preview it in the car once and immediately turned it off, I was not in the right mood. Which left me a little worried that I made a terrible mixed tape.
So... How did it turn out?
I listened to it a bit during part of labor and it ended up being really nice. Since it was 185 songs, i didn't listen to the whole thing, it was not good pushing music.
But it was a really great list, so hank and I listened to it throughout the first week of Henry's life and now it is magic.
(It took us Eight days to finish listening to the whole thing and hank kept saying what a great playlist it was.)

Nursery pictures

2011-09-12T10:32:00.001-07:00

Here are some pictures of the nursery. It is much more lived in now.

40 weeks... The end of the road

2011-09-05T01:08:00.001-07:00

Yes, I'm singing boyz ii men in my head while typing this. Baby center says baby r is a pumpkin, i say he is a boy and he is four days old instead of 40 weeks.
I'm typing this on my phone while my two guys sleep (it's 1:09am)
Here are the miscellaneous highlights of not being pregnant...
I can sleep on my back AND stomach
I am wearing my wedding rings, for the first time in months, i cried when hank put them on and they fit
My crazy sweet tooth seems to have been appeased, i crave actual food again
My wrists, ankles and toes have never looked so thin, same for my neck, arms, etc. I never felt super heavy so this is an unexpected and pleasant surprise
My parents and brother are blessing our socks off by cleaning and cooking and washing everything in sight and holding henry while hank and I sleep in the wee hours
I lost more than eight pounds instantaneously, it's magic
I am amazed this 8lb 20 inches little man ever fit inside my belly, i understand why Nicodemus told Jesus you can't reenter the womb

There's so much more to say, mushy sentimental thoughts on how hank is the best teammate / husband I could have ever imagined, and how magical everything is currently but I'll try to type that out later. For the time being I will thank God for the amazing pregnancy I had and the beyond amazing son he has given hank and i. We are already immensely changed by our henry oliver, even though we are just starting out on the road ahead of us..

38 weeks

2011-08-26T20:36:00.001-07:00

Me and baby have been together for 38 weeks!! Crazy right?

I've been off work for two weeks, and it's been amazing!! Hank and I have been nesting like there's no tomorrow...which at this point we're not certain of another day without becoming parents. We both don't think baby is coming yet, but we want to be ready. There's been lots of laundry and lots of cleaning. I think we might be driving our roommates crazy. The nursery is almost set and ready to welcome baby and our room has never been so pretty and put together and well decorated.

The past few weeks have flown by and we cannot wait to meet little r.

I'm still feeling great, and I'm thankful everyday for cool weather. My hips feel like they are going to fall off me sometimes, and my belly button is super shallow, I don't know if it can hold on the next few weeks or if it will pop.

Some people say first time moms deliver late, my mom delivered right on time, so I'm trying to prepare for both. So two or three more weeks and then we'll meet our little one.

(bthew the above picture is with the wrong fruit. Baby is a leek this week, but we hadn't read up on week 38 when we went to Henry's/sprouts, so I guessed watermelon.)

Day six

2011-08-23T18:10:00.001-07:00

A 6 is just an upside down 9 right?

Day seven?

2011-08-22T22:58:00.001-07:00

Day five

2011-08-19T23:13:00.001-07:00

Day four

2011-08-18T14:23:00.001-07:00

Date day with lica means Rutas and cookies.

Day three

2011-08-17T16:57:00.001-07:00

Day two

2011-08-16T14:12:00.001-07:00

It's 2:11 and i'm in bed reading/contemplating my next productive task.

Day one

2011-08-15T20:22:00.001-07:00

Today hank and i had a baby appointment and rewarded ourselves, me mostly, with cheeseburgers, well one giant cheeseburger we split.

H & b

2011-08-11T08:42:00.000-07:00

Last night Hank was talking to the baby, which is my favorite thing to get to eavesdrop in on.

He told Baby how he couldn't wait to meet them and then he said,

"You be strong, you stay alive, I will find you."

A little Last of the Mohicans encouragement for the 36th week.

We're both getting so excited to meet this little one, and I am getting so beyond excited to see Hank meet his child. He's going to be the best dad ever, and I'm so excited to see all of it unfold in a beautiful love story.

comfort food

2011-08-09T17:51:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to meal plan for after Baby R arrives (which means to me...decide what specific food to ask our friends and family to make for us after Baby R arrives, what it does not mean to me is to try to make these foods ahead of time and freeze them for a future date). What's funny is that when I imagine what I might like to eat it's all comfort food all the time in my head. I think I will want meatloaf and shepherds pie and potatoes and chimichangas and chili. All of this is food I don't normally eat, but I'm planning on making some exceptions and hoping my projected desires are what I will be hungry for.

Another comfort food I've been craving is homemade tortillas. Which are a little harder to obtain than meat filled comfort food. Growing up my grandmother would make tortillas like it was nobody's business. She raised five children (four boys) on a very limited income. So when those children had children she had no problem making enough tortillas to feed the growing army of grandchildren. When we would go over to her house she would be in the kitchen patting tortillas and heating them up on the stove. The stack of tortillas was accompanied by a stick of butter and a very satisfied family. In my mind's eye I don't recall there ever being a shortage.

Instead of trying to make tortillas I asked Mimi to stop by Trader Joe's for me, because they have a suitable substitute for those inept at making tortillas themselves and the result was fantastic and satisfying.

Last week, abridged

2011-08-01T09:47:00.001-07:00

A birthday dinner with family (Jennie had three boys in July and married a man with a birthday in July, that's a lot of celebrating in one meal)
Time with B and a sleepy Violet (my new favorite way to spend time with Violet...her drinking a bottle in my lap waving frantically at me and then walking away like a drunk sailor)
Time with B and E and Hank
Hank turning 30
Potluck dinner with friends celebrating my beloved's 30th year (and a little one's first birthday)
An amazing baby shower with family and friends celebrating Baby R's future arrival
Cowboys and Aliens
and a full night's sleep last night!!

It was a full and amazing week. God gave me enough rest and energy to make it through. Hopefully I will add more later on the amazingness of it all.

dating your roommate

2011-07-26T14:48:00.000-07:00

I assume that people assume that since I live with roommates I see them all the time. This assumption (real or imagined) is false. Thankfully I see my RMFL (roommate for life - Hank) everyday (save two weeks in the summer and one weekend in the winter when he goes to camp, see previous blogs of sadness). But the other two, and the cat, I never see. I avoid the cat on purpose, but the two humans I can go a whole week without seeing. It's sad when we see each other at church and try to catch up while not neglecting the wonderful people at church we only see on a weekly basis as well.

This last Friday Mimi and I had a date. It was so amazing. Hank was still at camp (see previous blogs of sadness) and wouldn't be home until after 11(PM!!!!) so Mimi and I planned an evening out, and it ended up being the most wonderful date night out.

Bullet points of the evening:
She picked me up from work (Which meant date night started at 4:30 instead of 5:40)
We went to Paper Source (our favorite place to browse, I think we've had more serious conversations in this store than in our house - all serious conversations should be in pretty pretty places)
We got manicures and pedicures (the last time I got a pedicure was maybe with her over a year ago)
We ate pizza for dinner
We stayed up talking until Hank got home (at 11:45- pm!!!)
and then stayed up talking with Hank until close to 2am

It was such a great night, made better by my man returning home to me, but mostly because of spending so much awesome time with Mimi.

Time is such a fleeting thing, I never know when I will have excess time or when I will be so tired I just need to sleep. But I realized Friday that God had given Mimi and I time and I was - and am - so thankful for it.

Things I learned while Hank went to camp

2011-07-21T21:59:00.000-07:00

Hank has been gone this week. He took the high school group to camp. Since he was also gone two weeks ago I've been able to realize some patterns that emerge when he is away...

1. I don't clean up after myself
Hank doesn't like clutter. I also don't like clutter, but I can handle more of it than he can. When he is gone I leave things everywhere. I put nothing away. I make piles of clothes and shoes and belongings, and sometimes i don't even bother making piles, I just kind of haphazardly throw things down when I get home from work.
This becomes a problem when he gets home earlier than I do on the day of his return. I don't have time to clean up before he gets home and he returns to see the squalor I will live in without him.

2. French fries and eating habits in general
I usually have a hard time eating regularly, let alone healthily.(Is that really a word?) with Hank gone it's worse. I'm so tired I don't want to cook. I made it to Wednesday this week without running into this problem, but Wednesday there was a problem getting home from work and I drowned my sorrows in french fries. Tonight I went to our baby class alone and rewarded myself with french fries. (hank hates McDonalds, but I love their fries and dipped cones, so I took his absence as an opportunity. I regret this not at all.)

3. Sleep
I sleep in the middle of the bed, and do not make the bed in the morning. Sleeping in the middle of the bed is a great reward. It's like a treat.
On the other hand towards the end of the week I start staying up later and later unwilling to go to sleep. Like if I stay up Hank will come home. And kind of like a little kid that is too tired to give in and go to sleep.

4. Speech
I don't talk a lot throughout my day. I email and text and communicate with people, but the actual words that come out of my mouth are limited. I realized this week that when I get home I say very little because there is no one to say things to. I'm sure baby r is confused by the silence, so I try to say a bit to him or her so they know I'm still around, other than the obvious tell tale sign of my beating heart. (That ended up being a much better reference than I meant it to be.)

The theme of this list is that I don't exercise a lot of self control when Hank is away. It's not rebellion, more a lack of restraint, or an exercising of frivolous liberties.

I am still my own person of course. I value my independence and so enjoy the time I get to be alone. I love alone time, it's just hard when I get all my alone time in one week. I decided to join my life with hank's life, and that was a process, so it's weird when he goes away, but kind of funny to see what breaks down first.

Today Hank will come home and I will tidy up the house before hand, but last night I slept in the middle of the bed and threw all my belongings on the ground.

(Let's not tell Hank about the trip to McDonalds.)

Letting it out

2011-07-20T21:09:00.001-07:00

Let me preface this blog with the fact that I love being pregnant and am rather enjoying living out the miracle of life.

I must admit though that some of the things people say are absolutely astounding to me.

This blog post is about the latter and not the former statement.

It seems that people lose their filter of what to say and what not to say aloud when they encounter pregnant women. I assume that this lack of a filter only gets worse the more pregnant the woman is.

On one of the many baby websites, babycenter.com, I read that people may say weird things to you, and you should be prepared to deal with it. Their suggestions were to respond in humor or to tell people honestly how you feel. I've spent a large portion of my life controlling my sarcastic tongue, so I realized I couldn't be trusted to respond in humor. I might make someone cry. I hoped and hoped that maybe these offensive comments might pass me over, but I've come to realize in the last couple weeks that this is not going to be the case.

Here's a list of things I would rather not be asked, or have said to me.
(sadly this is not a hypothetical list, it is a list of things people have actually said).

How much weight have you gained?
How old are you? (the person then guessed, and guessed a year older than I am, note to people who like to guess...round down)
Did you recently get married?
Don't you know that eating fish is really important to brain development (this comment comes across as, "don't you know your baby will be dumb if you don't feed it fish?")

The above four came from the same person. Which is why I don't talk to people on the train. But my adorable pregnant self attracts the small talk now.

These next two are from a coworker who says them in a high pitched voice:
Look how cute you look
Oh, how you cute you waddle.

I am pregnant, I don't want to look cutesy, I just want to work.

Those are the most prevalent. I assume people are just trying to be nice, but they're not really speaking in a language I understand.

I would like to clarify something, it's not that I don't want to talk about my pregnancy, I obviously love talking about my pregnancy and my future baby, I just think there are things you say and things you don't say. Actually I think I know what it is...don't use my baby as small talk strangers and acquaintances. I'd rather talk about the women's world cup, which should say a lot.

Im not very good at small talk in everyday life, put me at a wedding or place where I know no one and I soar, but everyday life is different. What's been hard with the weird things people say is I feel like I should try to make sure they're not uncomfortable or offended. Like the guy who asked me about eating fish. He later asked if I was offended, and I said no - which is a lie - but I didn't want him to feel bad.

Now, if you're reading this and thinking, " have I said something or done something like this to Kristiana?" I can 100% guarantee that if you are wondering that, you haven't done it. (That's like wondering if you've committed the unforgivable sin. If you're concerned you have, you haven't, in my opinion.) my circle of friends have been absolutely wonderful and affirming and excited for me. I don't really have anything to complain about when I realize the love and support baby r and I have been given.

Sorry for being a whiner.

crafting to do before baby

2011-07-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

There are some things I would like to make (or have made) before Baby R arrives.

One:
Pom poms to hang from the ceiling, to make an amazing art installation in Baby's room. There will be two globes, old book pom poms and maybe one of tulle. It will look gender neutral and bright. It may be my biggest crafty undertaking, so I need to get started.

Two:
Curtains for the nursery. I am hoping to pick out fabric tonight, I realize that I do not know how much fabric I will need though. Someone has graciously offered to make them.

Two, part b:
Curtains for our kitchenette. We inherited curtains from the previous home owners, which means there have been hawaiin printed curtains in our kitchenette for three years. It's embarrassing that I have not removed them. But enough is enough. Hopefully I can find fabric for that and farm out this project to someone who sews. I will start a sign up sheet for those interested.

Three:
Alanah, has agreed to craft an amazing owl pillow for baby r. I can't wait to see it. This doesn't need to get done before baby, but it is one thing I'm exited for and it involves crafting, so it goes on the list.

Four:
Embroider a receiving blanket for baby r. I like to embroider and I never make things for myself. I bought a three pack of Dwell receiving blankets to embroider for two friends having babies and realized I will have one left over, so I would like to embroider something great for baby. (great and not too time consuming).

So there's the list. I will hopefully accomplish these things, and hopefully post pictures of them, assuming they will be picture worthy.

Baby's room is coming along nicely, we just received some amazing gifts that we cannot wait to put up in the room. I will try to post pictures of the progress soon.

Sorry that 'then we came to the blog' has become 'then we came to the baby', but it's life for me right now. I've never tried to decorate a room before, or count my protein intake everyday. I've never had to make big decisions on vaccinations or tried to figure out a schedule of how Hank and I can raise a child and work full time jobs. There's a lot on my mind and it is more fun processing it aloud.

2nd quarter review

2011-07-12T10:36:00.000-07:00

Reminder of the 1st quarter...22 books, 3 physical 19 audio

2nd quarter 19, 6 physical!

9 of these books I read in June.

I've read so many great books recently I feel like my judgement must be impaired. If pregnant women have a glow maybe all the books I read are glowing too. I was in such a reading rut at work, I wasn't listening to a thing, but June landed me back on the reading train. I feel like an advertisement for Book It. (Oh my goodness I want a Book It onesie for Baby R - and I just googled it to no avail).

Apparently it's feast or famine with me because after my stupendous finish of second quarter reading I had the hardest time finding something new to read. It may be because I was studying to teach on redemption and justification...a little light reading for the last two weeks.

Here are the highlights from April - June
(These are in ascending order order of my emotional reaction and lasting feelings toward books read.)

Honorable mentions,
Ina may's guide to natural childbirth and the Poisonwood Bible.

Lisa Lutz's non-Spellman Book 'Heads You Lose'
It's not like the Spellman's at all, but it was quirky and so Lisa Lutz. (I think we could be friends)

So Much Pretty -
Best recommendation from Bethany. The story was structured in a way that made it more compelling.

Guilty Pleasure of the month...Matched - young adult fun - can't wait for the sequel

Wonder Boys - Michael Chabon
Best last line of a book I've read in awhile. Made me think of the last line of the Great Gatsby. I wasn't completely sold on listening to this about half way through the book, but then something clicked and it became entirely compelling by the end.

Jonathan Franzen's tome 'Freedom'
Best book to read whole paragraphs aloud to loved ones, marvel at the sentences and annoy Hank by saying, 'isn't it beautiful? This sentence is beautiful.' The structure was a lot like The Corrections, characters weren't lovable, but the writing was fantastic.

Animal Vegetable Mineral - Barbara Kingsolver
Best book to make me want to start farming in my backyard and milling my own flour. I love books that make me want to take action and produce more or consume more wisely.

Atonement - Ian McEwan
I saw the movie first, and wasn't too taken by the story, visually it is beyond stunning, but I had heard so many good things about the book. It is unbelievably good. I wish I had read it before I met him, but I probably wouldn't have been able to introduce myself to him if I was impressed with him. I told Hank the entire plot so we could discuss how impressive the end of the story is especially when compared to the end of the movie.

I am surprised with my own ranking of these. They were all amazing, but I didn't think Atonement would win as favored for the quarter.
I think overall it is the best written and well structured. It is concise in it's greatness. I guess the term for that is well crafted.

So that's what we have for the 2nd quarter of the year. I have high hopes for the third quarter and no hopes for the last quarter of the year since I will be trying to keep a baby alive.

Reinterpret

2011-06-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

When the apostle Paul talked about beating his body into submission (1 Corinthians 9.28) I think his role model was a pregnant woman. Today I feel like merely walking straight without wobbling was quite a feat.

I've also decided that John Mayer was talking about a pregnant woman when he sang, "you're body is a wonderland".

Think about it.

10 weeks to 40

2011-06-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

Today baby r's baking hits 30 weeks. He or she is the size of a cabbage. Can you believe it? I'm still surprised everyday that hank and i will be real parents soon, I am also still surprised that my stomach is housing a tiny person that will weigh about three pounds this week. I know I carry my body around day in and day out, but it's really quite shocking.

Hank is away at camp with the jr high group this week. I lived through winter camp, but summer camp is a full five days and I really adore Hank. The first night with him away went as poorly as it could have. I was home sick with a headache and when he called I proceeded to break down in tears over how much my head hurt. Thankfully he didn't rush home to his crazy emotional wife and instead prayed for me and helped calm me down by assuring me the baby is healthy and okay despite how badly my head may hurt, the pain was in no way crushing the baby's head as well. I think I've been doing a great job of not being a crazy emotional pregnant woman for the first two trimesters, but Im pretty sure the dam is breaking this final trimester. My emotions have been a little out of control recently. Hopefully they will temper down to something manageable before I run away all my friends.

Last time Hank went out of town he left a pillow dressed like him. It's as creppy and adorable as it may sound.

Baby r's room is coming along quite nicely. Other parts of our house are suffering because we took everything out of baby's room and shoved it wherever it would fit to get the carpets cleaned. I refuse to put extra things into the nursery which means our kitchenette's new role is storage space. Hopefully we won't need any of those dishes soon.

Tomorrow is the end if the second quarter and I hope to blog about the books I was able to read this quarter. While I did not prepare a half time show I did manage to read an amazing amount of amazing books.

I can't believe this year is half way through.

The Revolution

2011-06-09T12:07:00.001-07:00

Last night Hank and Baby were having a little chat and Hank said, "I hope the computers don't rise up in your lifetime, but if they do I hope you lead the resistance." Baby R has the best dad. I'm so excited for them to meet and for Hank teach them to imagine and wonder and make believe. My heart might just melt and explode all at once.

Baby is the size of a cauliflower!! Crazy right?? This little cell has gone from poppy seed to crazy 2 pound cruciferous vegetables. This isn't the best picture of my belly, but trust me it is bigger than the cauliflower in front of it.

The Great Upheaval Part 2

2011-06-07T10:07:00.000-07:00

Last June Hank and I added a bookshelf to our living room, and extensions to the other shelves to make them taller. It was so great and everything was situated. While Hank and I don't like to move from one home to another, we do like to move our room around. With Baby R coming it gave us the perfect reason to completely change our living space. Our living room is now our bedroom, our bedroom is in some sort of room purgatory where it's only main function is holding our clothes and couches, but will one day become Baby's room.

Step one of this transformation was moving the bookshelves...and all of those books. Our room looked like a library book sale for awhile, and I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of books I have. Sometimes I feel guilty about having so many books, but then I push that guilt far away from me.

I was in charge of moving the books, and keeping them in order, so I didn't have to reorganize them (a task, not entirely unlike John Cusak rearranging his records in High Fidelity, a comparison I make often). Hank was in charge of moving a very big and very heavy desk I made him bring home from church - a mistake made worse by it's weight - and the bookshelves. Sadly, I couldn't pull my own weight and the afternoon ended in me sitting in our room watching Hank carefully put the books back onto the shelves, making sure they were in the correct order. It's little things like that that endear Hank all the more to me. He took such great care in putting the books back on their shelves because I wasn't able to do it myself. It's was great.

The finished product is fantastic.

Step two is to get rid of the desk, which is now in our garage, and then number the rest of the things we should be doing.

We love the new room. It's so great and feels like we live in a loft. (The picture below is where the shelves used to be, and the new location of our bed.)

Things to come for purgatory room are painting, carpet cleaning and then finally...Baby stuff!!! We've been very good at delaying gratification and not buying the crib or dresser for the room. Hopefully we'll be getting the room painted soon, we have the colors all picked out.

I would have had this post up months ago (when the room changes weren't complete) but I wanted to make sure to add pictures, because pictures make every blog post better.

Reading Rut

2011-06-01T09:56:00.001-07:00

A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I've had a hard time listening to books while I work. It might be the new responsibilities I have, or I'm just lazy and my brain does not want to multitask more than it must. I've downloaded a ton of books in the last few months: Christine Falls, Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, The Lightning Thief, Cheever's Shorts Stories, A Confederacy of Dunces, House of Cards, &tc. and I didn't finish any of them. Embarrassing.

But I finished a book last week and it was so great. I don't care if I don't read another book for awhile as long as it is as enjoyable as A Visit from the Goon Squad.

I read one of Jennifer Egan's previous novels, The Keep, and I was not terribly taken by it. So when I picked up Visit from the Goon Squad because it won the Pulitzer Prize my expectations were kind of low. And because it won the Pulitzer Prize means I in no way discovered a hidden gem of the literary world. I merely jumped on the bandwagon, and I was not disappointed.

I think there is a soft spot in my heart for interrelated short stories. When I come across them I am instantly sucked in. I love when they are not in chronological order and when it's like a puzzle to read and figure out how it's all connected. Goon Squad shifted time and chronology, it focused on many characters that all became interesting. When I finished it I started it again because I wanted to figure out even more how all the characters tied together. I hope someone made a chart, but it might also ruin the web in my head.

View all my reviews

25

2011-05-28T22:35:00.000-07:00

Hank gave me a 'happy 25th week of pregnancy' card, it says "way to grow". He also gave me a gift card to target. It seems the more pregnant I become the more amazing Hank seems to get. More and more I am struck by the fact that there is no one on the planet I would want to be going through this with. It's all terribly mushy and sentimental, but an amazing side effect of pregnancy.

I think Hank's love of the Rocky series has helped prepare him to be a great coach. He loves loves loves Rocky, he loves Mickey and who doesn't love 'eye of the tiger' and the Rocky score? He's helping me eat better and encourages me to exercise even when I put up a fight, he is also making me work on my squats. He also reminds me to rest and stop trying to do so much. Most amazingly and importantly he is constantly reminding me of Truth when I start to believe lies, like my face is super fat or I'm not doing enough to make a healthy baby. I've always viewed us as a team and this pregnancy is only helping reinforce I have the best teammate around.

At 24 weeks baby was the length of corn on the cob. Hank and I have started taking pictures at Henry's, most are not cute, and get deleted, but this one is not too bad. At 25 weeks baby is a rutabaga, so lica and I are planning a lunch date to ruta's.

Surrender

2011-05-24T21:28:00.000-07:00

I wake up a lot at night. This is a new development in my relationship to sleep. I love sleep, we used to have a great relationship. I don't remember most of my dreams, sometimes I wouldn't move all night. I could sleep in any position. Now, all of those things have changed. I miss sleeping on my stomach and back. I miss the nights where I wouldn't wake up all night. Now, I wake up two to three times a night, on average. It takes a lot to roll over. There are many pillows involved to help me sleep and to keep me from rolling onto my back.

The other thing that keeps me up is worry.

I worry about crib safety and the firmness of mattresses, I worry about our birth plan, I worry about childcare and then i worry more about cribs. All of this at 4:30 am when I should be asleep.

Sometimes I scrutinize every choice on our baby registry, are there better bottles? Don't we need more things? Is that the best baby monitor? I think I use it to distract myself from the things that are completely out of my control. Will our baby be healthy? Will the delivery be safe? Will we be good parents?

Where we deliver and what crib mattress we buy is a choice I will eventually make, but a lot of other things are out of my control.

I focus on these silly, none eternal things instead of thinking about the truly amazing. There is life growing inside of me. I have sustained the formation and growth of a child for 25 weeks. This baby started as cells multiplying and now has limbs and movement and hair and hearing. And I had very little to do with that. So much of this miraculous process is out of my control. I can eat right and excercise and avoid bad things, but that does not guarantee anything.

Tonight I realized that I want to surrender all to Christ. I surrender my hopes and dreams for the future. Nothing is guaranteed. Each day I feel my baby kick is a miracle and a gift.

I have been learning a very slow lesson. I keep praying about worries and anxieties and it keeps coming back to eternal things versus temporal. Kingdom versus earthly. My worries are mostly earthly, temporary worries. I do not need to spend my focus on those things.

I used to sing this song and tonight I was reminded on it:

Surrender
Marc James

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you
And I surrender all to you, all to you

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross
And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

Revisting the past

2011-05-24T13:06:00.000-07:00

I rarely reread books. I don't really like to use my time to go back and revisit things I've already done (that statement is loaded).

In some ways rereading books is like finding a pair of jeans you loved and realizing they still fit you, or a sweatshirt that reminds you of many summers and many warm snuggly nights. In other ways though it's like finding pictures of yourself in a dress or top that you really liked at the time and now realize it looked awful all those times you thought you looked awesome.

It's hit and miss.

I love recommending books though, and maybe that is its own version of rereading for me. When others are done I get to hear what they liked and didn't like about the book I suggested It reminds me of the good and the bad parts of the books I finished long ago.

Here's an off the cuff list of things I have reread and still love:

Never Let Me Go (read 3 times, mostly for book clubs I was in, but I probably won't reread again)
Special Topics in Calamity and Physics (also reread for a book club or two)
Edible Woman (LOVE this book, love love love, completely book club free)

So thanks to anyone who has picked up a book I've recommended and letting me revisit it without really revisiting it.

competitive

2011-05-19T15:53:00.000-07:00

Today there was a baby shower at work that I didn't really want to go to. I saw someone melting candy bars in the microwave and I wanted to cry a little, but there was free lunch, so it was kind of a double bind. I'm not a fan of baby shower games. I realize, I don't think I mind baby showers, it's the cheesy games that I don't like. I have learned that I do like the games a bit more when people are actually out to win.

Today's shower had some factors that really turned the event around for me:
1. Two of the games were word games. I love word games.
2. The CFO of our company was running the games because it is his assistant that is having the baby.
3. There were prizes...cash prizes (a gift card to Specialties, which is where I get Peet's cappuccinos from almost every morning).

(background: I love to compete (and I love to win). It's like an alter ego. I never think I'm competitive until I'm in the middle of it, and I've turned into a crazy monster. My mom will read this and know that it is true and still wonder where this trait came from, since she is the opposite of competitive.)

All of a sudden I was a very big fan of this baby shower, of shower games, of the sweet smell of competition and of $10 worth of coffee and cookies.

Which is why I want people to have the chance to win money at my shower. What's better than winning money?!

Back to the competition... I actually won!! There was a word scramble and I thought I didn't stand a chance, but I realized most people weren't taking it very seriously. I won by two words and the gift card was mine. I didn't do a victory lap or anything obviously obnoxious, but I secretly revelled in my victory and free baked goods.

First Quarter Book Review

2011-04-25T20:36:00.000-07:00

I see the year in quarters, maybe it is because of working for a financial institution where quarterly statements and quarterly meetings are part of every year, or perhaps it is being pregnant and counting and recounting how far along I am etc, or maybe it is because I always want to impress Mimi with my ability to make sports references (some sports measure in quarters right?).

With the first quarter of the year gone, I realize I have blogged very little about the books I have been reading. Thankfully my ability to blog about books I've read is not directly related to my ability to read or listen to books.

So here is my 1st quarter book report:

Books read: 22
Of that 22, three were physically read and the other 19 were listened to. That is embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as me pulling up the computer's calculator to subtract three from 19, oh the shame, and yes, I work with money.

I read most of the Artemis Fowl series - books 2 through 6 - and with each book I grew more and more fond of the characters, and more excited to read the next book.

I read books two and three of Jsaper Fford's Thursday Next books, only to find out there were more books in the series, one of which was recently published. My access to the audio books stopped being free and thus my interest in reading them diminished. Sometimes I hate things that don't end which incidentally, is how Hank feels about most tv shows.

My two favorite books of the quarter were The Year of the Flood, which I had been meaning to read for over two years, and The Manual of Detection.

Year of the Flood is a sequel of sorts to Oryx and Crake, by Margaret Atwood - one of my all time favorite writers. It is a sequel of sorts in that it uses the same apocalypitc world as Oryx and Crake but focuses on different parts of that world. Atwood still manages to write about the relationships between women and (spoiler) somehow manages to end the book so much like the first one it
would seem impossible, but it works because she's Margaret Atwood.

The Manual of Detection is charming. It's in a world that is slightly off kilter to our own with a reluctant protagonist who always carries an umbrella and rides his bike. It's well written and intriguing. I really enjoyed it. Plus I was half way through it before I went on vacation, which is the best part of a book in my opinion, so I had perfect conditions to read, enjoy and finish this book.

I believe the first quarter was a great reading success. I'll keep trying to up the amount of physical books I've read and one day I might read and ebook. I wonder how I will count that.

If I am counting the year in quarters maybe I can have a half time show in June.

This is what it feels like...20 Week Update

2011-04-19T13:22:00.000-07:00

So this is what half of a pregnancy feels like (or a week short of half, if I deliver at 42 weeks).

Here's a list of how it's been in my head:

I think I might be pregnant, I'm probably getting my hopes up, maybe I should tell Hank, Hank thinks we're definitely pregnant, but he loves getting his hopes up. Does that test say positive?? Why would the line be so faint! I can barely see it. (Repeat 3x) Doctor appointment confirmed (and informed us that we only needed one test, apparently those things are accurate).

I don't feel pregnant. I want to sleep. I want to sleep. All I do is sleep. Will I every drink coffee again? How much coffee can I drink in one day? Ah! That's our baby on a tiny scratchy computer screen!! It looks like a bean. It feels more real... It feels less real once we leave the doctor's office. Is this new hip, back and/or leg pain normal? This pregnancy pillow is cool, but it's so big. This new pillow is my new best friend. Yoga, yoga yoga.

Does this baby make me look fat? Nothing sounds good to eat, except french fries. Lots of french fries. When will I look pregnant? Is that a baby belly or is it bloat? What is a waist line and what did it used to look like? Wow, all of my clothes still fit, maybe it's because I've always worn clothes that are loose, that's convenient. If my clothes still fit why do I hate them suddenly? All I want is cappuccinos and cookies, is that okay? Ah! That's our baby on a tiny scratchy screen and it looks like a human! I want a hot dog. Why can't pregnant women eat hot dogs?! Is that the baby moving? That can't be the baby. I think it's the baby.

And that's what the last five months have been like!

I sometimes forget that I'm housing a life in my body, and think I should be able to keep up with everyone else. Hank is doing a great job of reminding me that I'm doing 'enough' and that I need to rest. Listening to Hank talk to Baby is maybe the best thing ever. I'm glad that I always get to be there when he does it. He played Baby harmonica the other day. He had the harmonica up against my belly to make sure Baby could hear it. I made him do the train sound, because it's my favorite.

All in all things are going great! Really great. Hank and I are having a blast so far. All prayers are appreciated for our little one to keep growing healthy and strong until it is time to meet him or her.

Doesn't that sound a lot like...?

2011-04-14T12:37:00.000-07:00

The Magicians by Lev Grossman My rating: 2 of 5 stars It was an entertaining enough novel, but nothing really grabbed me as being entirely unique or inventive.

I don't understand how the author got away with summarizing the storyline of Chronicles of Narnia and calling it something else and that somehow counts as inventive. I guess if you say the book is, "Mixing the magic of beloved children's fantasy classics (from Narnia and Oz to Harry Potter and Earthsea)", you can write whatever you want, as long as you add sex and cursing. I was engaged enough to really want to know how the book ended though, so it wasn't all bad.

The more I think about this novel, especially the characters though, the more it makes me sad. The characters are these post adolescent kids who seem terribly unhappy with their lives, at the end of the novel I don't see much change or hope for their circumstances. View all my reviews

A car full of baby stuff

2011-03-31T12:36:00.001-07:00

Last night Hank and I took home a car full of things for Baby R from our gracious friends. It was kind of surreal to carry a car seat, stroller and other baby things and put them in our tiny Yaris. It helped make everything feel a bit more real and concrete. Thankfully we have some extra storage space in our house (even though we're still sad Lica doesn't live with us anymore, we will absolutely stop lamenting and start filling her room with baby stuff).

Timing is interesting. We don't know if we should wait to do things to prepare for Baby since it still seems far away or if we should start doing them now because we have the time. Hank and I have decided on the latter since I figure eventually I might run out of energy to do anything productive, as previewed by my first trimester.

Needless to say, we were ecstatic with our car full of goods, and it's crazy to imagine one day (in the not too distant future) Baby R will be getting good use of them.

Cravings?

2011-03-04T12:27:00.000-08:00

I've been avoiding some foods (sorry pasta) and eating more meat recently. Lica said I have to eat meat and that she would willingly eat a steak with me if that would help. Her enthusiasm - while not scientifically grounded - is convincing, so when meat sounds good I will find a way to get it. The problem is I really want bologna sandwiches, hot dogs and chicken nuggets (such healthy choices right?). There's all sort of stuff online about no lunch meat and hot dogs, not to mention I need it to be sustainably farmed.

I'll eat meat, but I still have some mental hurdles to get over the more I increase my consumption (about every two weeks). Then I found Applegate Farms lunch meat at Henry's, and finally looked them up online to see if we were compatible. From what I've read so far they are legitimate. They work with small farms, they raise animals the old fashioned way, and they sell hot dogs, bologna, chicken nuggets and sausage (and lots of choices on flavors). I will hold out on the lunch meat, but I'm so excited about the rest. I'm going to Whole Foods tomorrow to see what products they carry and stock up on easy protein for me and Baby.

Baby News

2011-03-02T12:06:00.000-08:00

About eight weeks ago Hank and I found out that we are pregnant! (Hank says he new it weeks before that, but I needed confirmation.) It's been a quick two months filled with doctor appointments, blood work, an ultrasound and lots of bagels from Panera bread. (They charge for parking at the doctor, and Panera validates, so it's like a treat every time we go.)

The roommates are very excited for the new little roommate to be.

And now it's official news, it's public knowledge and it's great.

Hank and I are so excited and couldn't be happier. It's all still sinking in, but it keeps getting more real, like seeing the little guy/girl in its first ultrasound and seeing its heartbeat like crazy, and now having people know adds a level of reality too.

We had so much fun sharing our news with family and friends, and everyone's excitement and encouragement is like a never ending hug.

things I like so far:
Hank will look up things to make me feel better, help me sleep better, good foods I should be eating.
(The sleeping trick last night - more pillows between my legs - totally worked, my hips were so happy.)
He made me sign up to get massages more regularly while I pregnant.
Mimi went to Trader Joe's to get me White Cheddar popcorn (the stuff at Henry's is lame).

things that make me laugh:
Hank is concerned I'm not eating enough, and said, "I can't wait for that baby to come out, so I can feed it."
I like making '______ for two' jokes. I hope they never get old, e.g.: eating for two, sleeping for two, watching tv for two.
I tried to convince my roommates to gain 20-30 pounds with me over the next 6 months, but they declined my invitation.
Sarah said if Baby is allergic to cats she would get rid of Sydney (Hank said Baby is allergic immediately).

It's been a great three months of pregnancy, and I hope and anticipate that it will just get better.

Realistic Resolutions

2011-01-02T20:09:00.000-08:00

I rarely make resolutions. Perhaps I occasionally write down goals that I never really intend on meeting (like the 'learn a second language' goal of many years ago). I thought it would be fun to predict things I will probably do naturally in the next year.

I hereby present Kristiana's completely reasonable resolutions for 2011:

1. Eat more french fries

2. Eat more pizza - A goal will be to not settle on bad pizza

3. Read more books - goal - read more than 74 books

4. Neither lose nor gain weight

5. Wear lipstick more often

2010 was a good year. I hope 2011 is as completely adequate as last year. I'm just kidding, I hope 2011 is filled with more greatness than 2010 was.

(Book) Report Card of 2010

2011-01-01T11:56:00.000-08:00

I know you're thinking, 'I wonder how many books Kristiana managed to read in 2010, and I wonder which were her favorites.'

The answer to your first thought is, 73.

It is quite a bit less than last year's 94 1/2, but my work load changed at my job and I had many new things to learn in 2010, which cut into my audio book listening time at work.

My reading habits changed a bit last year when I started listening to more and more nonfiction books. I have read nonfiction books in the past, but mostly memoirs and never current events. This year my 73 books were compiled by some amazing current event books and histories. I learned about the supreme court, the war and Abraham Lincoln just to name a few topics. It's been really exciting, plus it adds a whole new pool of books to check out. I've found that sometimes I'm just not up for being emotionally involved in fiction, current events and histories really hit the spot in those times.

Now to the hard part...What were my favorite books this year?

All but one on this list is nonfiction, I feel like a grown up. I know by saying that I will not come across as an adult, but that's okay. Below are my top books of 2010.

The Hunger Games wins the prize for most recommended book of 2010 and the fastest trilogy read. It was so great to be completely enthralled with a book. I rarely stay up late reading now that I have a normal job, but this series kept me up, entertained and in suspense until the last page was read.

The Feminine Mystique wins the prize for most educational read. I'm so glad I read it and will probably continue to reread it throughout my life.

Crazy Love wins the prize for most life changing read. Not only was it a great book to read, but it was a wonderful book to discuss with friends. Francis Chan's thoughts on God and modern Christianity was challenging and helped me reevaluate the things I value and the way I live my life.

Losing Mum and Pup wins the best written prize of the year. There were so many beautiful quotes. It also wins a sub prize for being the best grief book of the year. It talks about death, but also talks beautifully about life.

The surprise winner of the year is Three Cups of Tea. Like I mentioned in my review, I never anticipated reading this book and I really never anticipated liking it. Three Cups of Tea reminded me that one person can make a difference and it reminded me how important it is to be passionate about what you do in life.

I'm excited to see what books 2011 brings.

Practically Perfect

2010-12-26T20:53:00.000-08:00

Half in Love : Stories by Maile Meloy

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Each story was so different from the previous. Every story was strong and unique. It seemed like the stories toward the end of the book got more and more sad, but in a good and tragic way.

This book also falls into the new category of 'train book', which means it's a great book to read while commuting to and from work. The stories are a good short length, but packed with greatness on every page. They are easy to stop and start at random.

View all my reviews

A Legacy

2010-12-11T10:35:00.000-08:00

The picture above is my Grandma (on the left) with her two older sisters and her mother. When my grandma passed away in March I took the job to go through pictures (because amazing Denise offered to do a beyond amazing slide show). There was a whole box of pictures from the 50s and 60s. It was heaven. I love the 1950s. I love the picturesque qualities, and the hidden pain. When I read Revolutionary Road I fell even deeper in love. Finding these pictures reminded me once again that my family lived the lives I read about in books. My mom doesn't like Mad Men because she says she lived it and doesn't need to be sad (loose quote).

I knew all of these women, but never as pictured above. I can only imagine what their lives were like. I never knew my great grandmother as an accountant, only the person who would babysit me and let me watch Price is Right and Hollywood Squares in her room. But this picture shows me that they had lives, full lives, and that is beyond beautiful to me.

Embarrassingly Late to the Party

2010-11-28T18:42:00.000-08:00

Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace... One School at a Time by Greg Mortenson

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I am not commenting on the style or structure of the book, I didn't notice how it was written. I only took note of the information being given. It's inspiring to hear stories of people who see a need and try to do something to meet that need. It's encouraging to hear that meeting those needs isn't always easy, but worth the effort. And it is amazing to hear that one person can have the goal of his life changed while changing the lives of others.

I will admit I cried probably once an hour while listening to this book. I love literacy and it makes me embarrassingly emotional. Hearing what others are willing to give up in order to give children a future is beyond words to me. Sacrificial living for the sake of others makes me speechless.

This was a 'post 9/11' book that I was so excited would incorporate the events on September 11th, and how it changed the work Greg Mortenson was doing and able to do. It was excited to hear that he started this work before 2001 and continued it after.

Three Cups of Tea made me want to sell everything and become a teacher. It made me excited to look for new opportunities to get involved in the things that are happening in the world. It was great.

View all my reviews

Who got the funk?

2010-11-28T18:06:00.000-08:00

I was in quite a bit of a reading slump in October. My office moved to a new building, there was a lot of packing and unpacking and anxiety about both things. My reading suffered. Once in the new building there was a lot of adjusting and my reading still suffered. Then I decided to be decisive. Instead of hemming and hawing about what to read I just picked a book and listened. This worked, and I can gladly say that I am out of my funk and enjoying the joys of reading.

The Post-Birthday World by Lionel Shriver

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Finished 11/12/10

I watched Sliding Doors, with Gwenyth Paltrow, and I think I liked that better than this. The concept of the book, two alternate outcomes to a life because of one decision, is interesting. There was a bit of repetition in the tales though, each chapter followed similar story lines and the overlap of some events was obvious and a little annoying at times (much like my dislike for stories told from alternating perspectives). The theme was driven in a little hard when the main character wrote a book with the same theme Shriver seemed to be trying to get across. It also seemed a little peculiar that if Irena didn't kiss Ramsey Lawrence was destined to cheat on her, but if she did kiss Ramsey Irena would turn into the person she wanted to be. I have read a fair amount of 'post 9/11 books', I was annoyed by the use of 9/11 in this book. It didn't seem important for the story.

The Assault on Reason by Al Gore

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Finished 11/16/10

Reading 'current event' books years after they were written is still interesting, but it makes me feel behind the times.

Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace... One School at a Time by Greg Mortenson

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Finished 11/18/10

I never planned on reading Three Cups of Tea, but I know now that I would have done myself a great disservice by not. My friend Tara kept telling me I had to read this book, she doesn't say this too often, so I decided I should trust her judgement. I really am so glad that I did.

Will dedicate a real post to this.

Report on Myself by Grégoire Bouillier

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Finished 11/23/10

I am glad I read it. The writing was beautiful in parts, and the style was very unique, but as a whole it didn't strike a chord with me. I liked The Mystery Guest MUCH better.

Lucky by Alice Sebold

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Finished 11/23/10

This was really well written. I heard Alice Sebold speak and it was captivating. I have read her two novels, but I like this the best. In a way it reads like a book dealing with grief and loss.

All the Sad Young Literary Men by Keith Gessen

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Finished 11/24/10

This book started well, but suffered from me working harder than listening well. The structure was great, each chapter told from one of three men's lives. It spans the time from college to midlife and has very minimal overlap. It reads like interrelated short stories.

The New Way to Work

2010-11-13T23:04:00.000-08:00

I started taking the metrolink to work. It's been three weeks and I am really enjoying it. Not only do I get to avoid driving on the 5 and 55 freeway every weekday, but I get to read and write every morning and afternoon. It's been cold out so I actually have a legitimate reason to wear a heavy jacket and scarf. The first week I was amazed by the charm of the Fullerton train station and surrounding area. I was able to stop and take a few pictures on the way to and from work. Depending on public transportation is definitely unnerving, and I suspect that one day I will miss a train or shuttle and need to call for a pick up, but I know help is just a phone call away. Take that carbon footprint.

These condos are the first thing I saw when I walked over the train tracks to wait for my train. It's so cute.

What a difference daylight savings makes.

My freshman year of college I took the train from Riverside to Fullerton. I was the 18 year old with sandals, a bag of textbooks and an ipod. There are high school students who take the train to Santa Ana and I realize that I am not the 18 year old heading to school. I go to work in heels and tights with a giant purse so I can fit my coffee and lunch. It's a stark contrast to where I was nine years ago. I feel like I am constantly realizing that I am older than I think I am mentally. College does not seem that long ago, but when I stop and think I realize it is. I'm okay with that. I realize that there is not just young and old. I am younger than some and older than others. I am happy and content and life is good. There is beauty every day and I have the time to stop and see it while I wait for my train to arrive.

0_o

2010-11-04T16:33:00.001-07:00

The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana by Umberto Eco

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

The book started well and interesting, but it got confusing part way through. I stayed with it and once I read the plot summary on wikipedia I liked the book more. This review is making me sound like an idiot, but listening to books at work isn't always easy. Overall it was interesting. The literary references were fun, like being in a money tunnel and trying to catch as much as you can.

View all my reviews

A catalogue of tights

2010-10-16T14:57:00.000-07:00

When I started working in an office I bought 'business casual' clothes: pants, collared shirts, those little knee socks you wear with high heels and pants. It didn't take me long to realize that's not my style and I hated getting dressed for work in these clothes that weren't me. I quickly started wearing more dresses and skirts and then I embraced my love for tights.

I have always enjoyed Kate Spade ads, the bright colours make me smile, so it was no surprise when I started buying more and more tights in more and more colours.

My office moved locations and we were off of work for four days. It was enough time off to start feeling like back to school time - which I still love even though I have been out of school for five years). I bought new tights, and started reorganizing my drawers. It was then that I counted my tights.

Below is the catalogue:

3 - shades of pink

2 - patterned (plaid and floral)

1 - grey

1 - mustard

1 - copper

1 - teal green

7 - black

(2 plain, 1 chevron, 1 polka dot, 1 backup to polka dot, 1 striped, 1 more dramatic chevron)

I also have four pairs of leggings which, depending on the day, I use as tights or pants.

I had to banish my socks to a less desirable drawer.

It may seem excessive to own 16 pairs of tights (20 if you count the leggings), but I use at least 3 every week, and never the same pair in a week. It's the little things that make working in an office and getting dressed for work a fun adventure instead of a monotonous event.

weekend away, at home

2010-09-19T20:57:00.000-07:00

(Note: this blog was written months ago and I never posted it, and now I'm too lazy to make it sound like I wrote it recently, please travel back in time with me to the month of August, 2010)

I had the best weekend with Hank at the beginning of this month, there was dancing and the hollywood bowl and art and my husband and it was fantastic.

A couple fridays ago we realized we don't really go out, when we have the time to we don't really know what our options are. So I made a mental list of things we could do on a friday night (bingo, swing dancing and a third forgettable thing). This past Friday our church finished VBS and we thought a little celebrating was in order, so at 9pm at night we headed to the Atomic Ballroom and danced and laughed and I almost fell several times from no traction on my shoes and lots of spinning. Dancing at weddings is easy. We look like we know what we're doing, we might even look fancy. Dancing at a place where the national jitterbug champions go to dance is humbling. I still can't lindy hop for the life of me. Hank and I have such different learning styles that we can't really figure out whose doing what wrong. So we dance, and we have fun, but I look at other couples, some young, some senior citizens in suspenders, and I am jealous. I want to lindy hop! I want to learn!! We were too tired to stay until the end, in hopes that they would do the Shim Sham, but we had a blast. I love that there is place that people go to dance, where strangers ask others to dance, where senior citizens in suspenders dance circles around me. It's fantastic.

Saturday Hank and I had (super cheap) tickets to see Rent at the Hollywood Bowl. Hank devised a perfect saturday plan to go see the John Baldessari exhibit at the LACMA before going to the show and it was perfect.

In the morning we went to a bakery in Fullerton, and then to starbucks for coffee and just hanging out. Out of nowhere old friends walked in the doors and we got to catch up, meet there children and be totally encouraged by them. God is so good. It was such an unexpected and amazing surprise we were blown away by the blessing of friendship.

The John Baldessari exhibit was amazing!! I think I love Hank more the more we go see art. We both go crazy for modern/contemporary art. It's fascinating and inspiring and something not everyone appreciates, and I can't imagine feeling awkward or self conscious, afraid to admit I liked something in front of him. Instead we see crazy confusing things and talk about it. We saw some Andy Warhol, I revisited White Center (Mark Rothko painting I learned about in high school, my love for his art has only grown). There was a giant blue balloon animal sculpture (i don't if that's the right word for it) that was so fun!!

Rent was so fun. We were in the nosebleed benches, but it wasn't too crowded and the people around us were nice and quiet. We went home singing Rent songs at the top of our lungs, and then I fell asleep in the car like I do on most car rides over 15 minutes.

I didn't know we could feel like we were on vacation doing things only 30 minutes from our house, or even 5 minutes. It was an amazing and necessary weekend 'away' with Hank. So great.

I have a confession to make:

2010-09-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

I've been reading mysteries all summer, and I liked them, and it was fun and relaxing and all I could focus on at work. So here is my summer reads in review.

The Girl Who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I liked it better than the first, it started much faster than book 1, but it suffers from being the second in a trilogy so the end is really just the beginning of book three.

The Eight by Katherine Neville

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

It was written awhile ago (1990) and it is a little dated, but the story is good and interesting.

Firebird by Katherine Neville

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I obviously liked the first one enough to read the sequel, that came out a few years ago. It was good. I really like the chess story theme in both books and it makes me want to learn to play a mean game of chess.

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I couldn't wait for the audio book hold list, so I borrowed it from a friend and read more than half of it and then got the audio and finished it. The end seemed a little rushed, but it was good. After finishing book three it made me wonder if I really like the first one the most.

The earth keeps spinning

2010-08-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

Work has been really busy, it was a great joy to have to prioritize and wonder if I was going to get everything done, and wonder how many mistakes I avoided making and which I would succumb to. The end of summer is proving to be a busier time for Hank. He's preaching on Sunday, he's doing activities while students are out of school, we're going camping with the young adults. Life is happening all around.

I've been listening to a ton of sermons from Reality, Carpenteria, and it's been so good to be challenged to grow. I started listening to Crazy Love by Francis Chan. It's an intense book. I just finished a chapter on being lukewarm and I wanted to cry and throw up.

More and more I am realizing that I am an adult. I'm 27. I've been married for six years. I graduated from college five years ago. I am getting more and more comfortable in my own skin. I feel like I've finally adopted a style of dress that I love and that reflects who I am. I'm not trying to be someone else, I am simply me.

I don't want to be lazy in life. I don't want to be disappointed. I haven't been thus far. So I will keep moving forward into the life that I am living.